One step closer

 Finding my time today not engulfed with packing, sorting, and selling,  I am actually beginning to enjoy this process more. I know that I should have been all along. I know. How did i get off that balance where all was good. Will I ever find balance again? I hope so. I keep saying to myself 'when'.  When mom passes, I can start my life. When settling the estates are done, I can start my life. When the house closes, I can start my life. I am so fucking sick of when. I think it's just an excuse. For some reason. I had a situation today where I wasn't the man/person that I want to be. I took the ego approach. I am so sick of dreaming of the man that  I want to be instead of just being him. I am so tired of reacting with ego or fear.When the hell am I ever going to slow down and get it right.