Looking back over the years, so much makes sense. Finally. Actually, I guess that i am lucky to figure things out. I remember just sort of being out of it when I was a kid. Never really grasping the moment, at least on the level that I knew that I was suppose to. Always being in a fog, my mind and body not fitting into what was transpiring at the time. I think that I was intuitive then. I know I was. I have been doing some reading, 'Develop your psychic skills.' It explains my thinking/reactions to many situations in my life. I didn't know how to handle my ability and due to my childhood, blamed myself for the times that I was picking up on someone else's emotions. I could wait in line at the grocery store and feel the angst of the person behind me. I would blame myself, thinking that they were upset with me. Reading this book has taught me that thinking that was childish and that I need to learn how to understand and possibly apply that I am 'feeling.' The drama of my childhood was a double edged sword. Did it enhance or create my psychic abilities? Without those traumatic experiences, maybe I wouldn't be psychic. Who knows. The past is just that, the past. I don't care to dwell on it. Most of the time. As an adult, I consider myself lucky not to posses a lot of the skills people have honed like manipulation, self hatred, gossip, or anger as disconnect from source supplies innumerable difficulties in life. I intuitively had an opinion of what God was and one day I found a religion that has the exact same beliefs. I believe that I am highly connected to source, or God, or whatever you want to call it. We all are. I just allow myself to be connected. I found, listen to, and trust the voice within. The God within. Maybe an extension of intuition is what you could call it. We all have God within, most people are afraid to look inside. They would rather put their nose to the butt ahead of them, follow and be told how to think about God rather than go to the most unknown, themselves.

 I have learned though that it is still monstrously difficult for me to find people that I feel comfortable being around for an extended time or, what we all want, to be friends with. I see everyone's inability to figure life out, in a positive way and on their terms. I see their fears. I see what holds them back, mostly themselves. God isn't putting up stop signs specifically for them. People hold themselves down, and some do it too well. They put so much effort into hating themselves, or sabotaging themselves or their success, or manipulating others, etc.. So many people are disconnected from this the God within, their intuition. Clueless as to what is going on around them, acting out in non loving ways. I also see their potential. My wish is to motivate people to be the best that they can be, or to be the person God intended them to be. This is not an easy wish. People cling fast to their self depredation, and showing them a way that could enhance their life in a positive manner is probably the single most difficult challenge a person could ever undertake. But I feel its my path.

  There are many versions of disconnect from source, but most people fit into just a few categories.
So many people are out of control in their own lives, for different reasons yet pretty much within a set group of problems. Some try to control others. I can't begin to tell you how many of those there are in the world. At this writing, I would say most people fit into this category who aren't connected. For the record, you don't need to control others to get what you want. That's not the way. Actually, its pretty much a huge disconnect from source so if you want your life to continue to produce pain in some regard of your life, stay on the path of manipulation. Another group is the poor me/martyr syndrome.They're fun. Not. I grew up with that as a parent. You can't begin to imagine and I won't go into detail. These traits are not innate. You have to cultivate them. Why put so much energy into something that is only going to produce lack on some level? I am not familiar with how they feel or the reasons behind them, other than fear. There is only Love. Fear only exists in peoples minds but that's another post.