Another first.
 So I'm driving down the road. I have left Tribly and headed to Newberry, Fl. I am going to couchsurf with Liz and stay in my trailer in her yard. There are lots of natural springs around the area to check out and it is time to start meandering north to go west. I had many signs that it was time. While bike riding a hawk, my totem, was flying with me due north. On another bike ride, a juvenile hawk sat on a mile marker. Both saying, time to go Christopher. Being in nature recharges me. Or balances me. Both. So, I'm driving down the road and I 'm not sure if I am thinking about my sister or her energy comes to me. I was listening to NPR about the tsunami. I was overwrought with the thought of people loosing their families given the recent realization that my sister lost her entire family in one day. I started having heartburn. I never get heartburn. Sis just asked me that when I was visiting her. It got pretty intense. Then I had major anxiety. I was overcome with it. Right in the center of my chest. I was still driving but had to call my sister. Was she ok? Did her sugar go low and she's laying on the floor unable to answer my call? I knew it was intuition but I was so scared. The feeling was incredibly intense. She answered. Thank God. I immediately asked if she were ok, she laughed and said yes. She stated that she was having major difficulties with a work project from a vendors inept program. I was driving so I knew that she was ok and hung up. The anxiety persisted though. I almost couldn't breath! I wasn't scared for me, but pretty out of sorts trying to make my mind comprehend that I was picking up on my sister's energy. That has never happened. Well, not that strong. I called her again when I had a chance to pull over and slightly calm down. Just before that I was looking at the trees or anything and saying, 'oh how pretty, look at that.' Hoping that I could bounce back some calming energy. I asked more details and again confirmed she was upset with work. I told her that she can't do that to me ever again and changed the subject to calm us both down. I don't know who is more in shock, her for knowing that I picked up that energy or myself for it being so strong that I could barely drive. Now I know that when I have that feeling again, it is someone terribly upset and nothing worse.

 I meditated on where to go from here, literally. I wanted Spirit to guide me and tell me. What town was I to go to and do what? I am eager for that information as I feel that is my calling. I swear I could pick something up from a cucumber but I can't ready for myself. Yes I was disappointed. The last time I meditated I saw 3 ghosts. Why can't I tune into Spirit for myself? I have no answer, at this time. But, I did get my answer, just not how I expected. Which means that another step was learned in this process of becoming more psychic, more in tune with Spirit.

 My answer came from, are you ready for this, a person! I was aghast. What I had been praying/meditating for was presented to me from my current host's friend,  John. He told me about several state parks here in Florida that were a must see. As he was telling me the details, I listened to that voice within that said, this is a message from Spirit. This is what I was looking for. It didn't answer my question completely yet I knew it was the answer. How? I trusted that feeling inside of me. To be more in touch with yourself, the God within, you must listen to that voice. Period. You must learn to hear it, trust it, and believe. Call it intuition, a hunch, a knowing. That is what you are looking for to be in direct communication with the God within, or Spirit. It is a step in the process not just of becoming psychic. It is a step that will open innumerable doors to the life that was intended for us.

 And don't discount where, or who, the answer comes from.

The Train

 It may be my last time to see the train I thought, so I walked over to watch it go by. This time the huge engines slowed down across from me, as if to say, ‘Jump on Chris, we’re slowing down and heading north for you.” Funny, this time lumbering by, he didn’t squeeze one thousand geese at once to announce his arrival.

 Spirit communicates with me, and you I believe, in numerous ways. Answering our questions, guiding us if we listen to the subtly delivery of the answers we ask. We don’t have to look for the answers, they will come to us after we set our intentions. What it is that I am requesting?

 One way spirit  communicates with us is through itself. For me I would define that as being psychic although everyone is psychic. We all have the ability to be in tune with ourselves and others. The energy is there for anyone to see or read. I believe that you have to be in touch with your own personal spirit in order to be awake enough to recognize when you are receiving a sign.      Spirit also communicates through nature and animals. I see hawks around me practically wherever I go. Their behavior I  study, read, and interpret to apply to myself to learn from. People, I have learned, are also Spirits means to deliver or answer questions.

 Whatever charges the soul, and is pursued, opens yourself to………………the infinite possibilities
of spirit.

Loss

 I knew that I didn't have any family left, except for my one sister. I have accepted this fact with ease. Nor have I focused on the loss of interaction with the remaining immediate living family. In a highly controversial statement, without the reader knowing the details, I am content with these facts, happy in that I don't have the fear of my deceased sisters family in my life. I know that when I do settle down, I will create my own family. One that I will have manifested on all the levels that healthy families function on. Love, respect, communication.

 When my other sister passed, the connection to her family quickly faded. Funny, I never had an interest in her husband as I knew he was not the kind of man to be honorable. Unfortunately, one of his son's also has no interest in maintaining a connection due to his fathers beliefs, not his own, as he doesn't know what his own beliefs are.

  I never reflect upon how my one living sister has had to deal with this loss. I am sad for her as in one day she lost her entire family except for me, due to what appears to be the inevitable break up of a family caused by the greed of others when someone dies. In her case it was more than greed. Money, things, were important, not basic human respect for another person. Yet,  her need to reach out, to forgive and move on is more than honorable. I am proud.

 While camping this past summer, I met a new friend. He had the energy of a person that was real. He had no ulterior motives, no negativity coming from him. The friendship was an easy experience. I visited him and he reciprocated. We got along as old friends do, allowing each the courtesy of self without any stipulations or judgment upon the friendship. We shared many interests with Thought Creates being one of them. At the time, I didn't consider myself psychic, which I now do. I am extremely grateful for the gift. I did not call to tell him that I was psychic although he has access to this blog. Just recently he came out to me as being psychic. He doesn't pursue it with the fervor that I do, nor does he even practice much, if at all,  yet he is an extremely gifted psychic. (Bitch!....kidding. its not a competition thing, just a personal joke.) I find it fascinating that Spirit brought us together to be there for one another. Goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen next, who is going to come into your life or why.

 Another week has gone by since I have written. So much happens to me lately. I hope to focus on writing more as I have been given several readings that state I am to do so, and to deny that seems a sin. As a point of reference, I view a sin as an archery term which means to miss the mark.

 Through fate, I had the chance to be in a home where a murder occurred approximately  26 years ago. I met the owner of the home through friend's of a friend. I don't own a television but have had the opportunity to see programs where psychic teenagers go to a location to determine what they can pick up. Watching these shows, I knew that I can do that and have wanted the chance to see if I could. As a note, my desire/intention and the amount of time for the opportunity to manifest itself was less than 30 days.

 I guess that it wouldn't be appropriate to give the details here, although I will touch on the strongest sensations. The house has been completely remodeled. Upon first entering the home, I felt nothing. My ego sank. This is not about ego yet being human, I can't deny those feelings. I try to give thanks for my gift as I am extremely grateful for it. The next room I entered I couldn't breath. My chest was tight and the sensation was immediate. The owner stated that there was a fire in the house and originated in that room. Upon entering one of the bedrooms I knew that the murder occurred in that room by means of stabbing. In the hall I was drawn to a specific area that took me a while to determine its meaning, which turned out to be sacred ground. This is where the victim died. In another room, I sensed a piece of artwork hung on the hall that the victim loved in some regard. The assailant's reason for committing the crime was unrequited love. I picked up many details that were later confirmed by the owner of the home. There were also many other details that I did not pick up.

 In another freinds home I picked up an entity, only because the owner felt 'something'  and I wanted to see what I could pick up. The energy was low but I did pick it up. After visiting the area where the energy was several times, I felt a strong burning in my throat, not that of heartburn. I determined it to be throat cancer and asked the owner if she knew of anyone having died of this. She stated that her grandfather, whom she adored, had passed of this.Hopefully this is him keeping an eye on her.

 It seems that if I go about my life without focusing on anything, I don't pick anything up. But with the slightest attempt, I have a knowing and sense's.

 Rereading this past post I sound so arrogant. 'Highly connect to source.' Hmm.Well, there's hesitation now in those words. Yes, I allow source energy to enter my life, usually in a loving manner. But theres a story.

  On that past full moon, I attended a ceremony in Melbourne, Fl. This event had been held at the same place by the same people doing the same rituals at every said event. I am familiar with releasing unwanted desires on full moons and have attended previous full moons celebrations but not at the one I am speaking of. The next morning, I woke with this overwhelming depression. I felt as though I had been depressed for months. This isn't the kind of depression that someone just wakes up with. The feeling was too real. Unfortunately, I know that feeling from experience. I tried all day to shake it and I did. By noon I was feeling out of the deepest part and by late day completely out of the woods. I knew  I wold be fine.

 The past few days at Tracy's I have had the feeling of rage. Not anger, rage. I felt like walking by his sofa and cutting it with a knife and I felt like kicking the dog. This type of feeling I am unfamiliar with. I did go through a few episodes of high pitched anger while settling mom and Bill's estates, I must admit, but nothing like this feeling. Only this time I am not trying desperately to shake it. It has been with me for days and did begin to effect my behavior. I may have possibly lost a friend. We communicate via email and the once a year phone call I initiate. I told him via email that he was making poor choices and that I no longer choose to be his friend.

 Remember that phrase, 'Highly connect to source.'

 There's something going on. 

 The full moon was for release. I choose my addictions of food, alcohol, and cigarettes. I set my intentions upon the stick that we prepared. I followed the ceremony and participated. Now I am wondering if God didn't have other traits in addition for me to release. Depression I understand as I have had direct experience but the rage feeling that I experience was way beyond any feeling I ever care to have. The feeling of hate, anger, destruction all combined. It was a very scary experience. Not the person I want to be.

 But there has to be a point for me to expereince both of these emotions. Follow in faith.