Spiritual Nomad

video

2011-12-04T16:24:00.001-05:00

learning video

Ready, set.....

2011-08-23T20:46:00.001-04:00

Getting ready to hit the road again. This time driving a friends moving truck to Florida. Hopefully dodging the predicted hurricane. Lets see if my luck holds out missing them. Spending a few weeks in sunny F L A before hitting the road again with the Fun Finder. Destination unknown.

The Fun Finders cousin

2011-05-28T00:25:00.000-04:00

I'm staying at a campground, if you could call it that, in Las Vegas. Sam's Town, where cement and pavement rule the surface of the earth.......ugh. I'm on the perimeter, the fringe, next to the few trees and grass, where it cost LESS to park. ?? The closer you are to the pool, surrounded by you guessed it, cement and pavement and NO tress or grass, it costs more.....?? I'm getting to the age where asking why is pointless. and I digress....

I met the cousin to the Fun Finder. Virtually the same trailer albeit different manufacturer, with an extremely unique owner. Must be with that cute trailer that makes people so unique you say, well, the person who owns the cousin is dooms day all the way. It fascinates me how whatever your walk is in life, (whatever walk you decide to take, or claim as your own, as it is a conscious choice. there is no deity standing over you commanding you to be a happy, sad, depressed, lucky person. you c h o o s e it yourself) there seems to be a cloud that hangs over you. It follows you like a balloon tied to a string floating above your head all the while you go about life. Some clouds are happy happy and yet others are doom and gloom. Why is it that some people choose to work as waiters in a casino buffet restaurant? Why would you choose that? What is in your mindset, your beliefs, your thinking that tells you it's ok to do this type of work. The choices people make fascinate me. In retrospect, I guess that I too have been asleep to some degree most of my life. For some reason lately everything seems so clear to me. Hmm...maybe clear isn't the correct word. Because the more clear things appear to be, the less enjoyable this experience is becoming. Possibly it is simply a refinement of wants/needs/desires.

Exponentially

2011-05-17T11:54:00.054-04:00

So, I don't know what is going on. I knew that I had to leave the Grand Canyon area and head east as I have decided that this trip is over. The loneliness is overwhelming. YEARS of this feeling in Wellsboro combined with 6 months experiencing amazingness solo- sucks. I no longer want to go through life alone. I have amazing friends that I need to reach out to more often. And I have been doing that, but it doesn't fill the need. Having someone to share this with, regardless of the intimacy level, right next to me would change how I function/process quite a bit. The function level in the fun finder would be a challenge but the process level would be enhanced exponentially.

The lessons have been learned, deeply learned. Engrave into my brain, making sure that the rest of my life is fulfilled by the interests that I deem worthy. If I had to make a list, which i really should, being a Capricorn we love lists, I would be here a while. Safe to say that they're really not new dreams or thoughts, just interests that I have always had yet, for reasons only known to the abyss of my brain, never pursued. Growing up there were always favorite foods/meals that mom would prepare, or Aunt Vonnie's nutbread (unbelievably delicious) yet I don't know how to make all of them. WHY NOT!? This pisses me off. Something that i love and don't know how to make. Ridiculous. Preposterous.

With the regain of control of this ship, I hereby do declare that life WILL be fulfilling, interests WILL be pursued, laughter and friends WILL abound, life will be.....lived.

and that I AM worthy.

More pics of Grand Canyon

2011-05-16T22:20:00.020-04:00

At the very west end of the Rim Trail is Hermits Lodge

At the end of the 20 mile Rim Trail.

Hermits Lodge

Pics of Grand Canyon

2011-05-16T00:58:00.001-04:00

View from Bright Angel Trail

One of the cabins you can rent. Anyone interested?

Kolb Studio

Bright Angel Trail

taken from Rim Trail

Rim Trail is 20 miles with bus shuttles at every major viewing area

The average person spends 3 1/2 hours at the Grand Canyon. Obviously I'm not average, thank God. I've spend 3 days there and have only walked the Rim trail, and of that only about 12 miles. Most of the Lodges are along the rim and what isn't can be easily explored in the Grand Canyon Village. There is so much to see that moving at a quick pace isn't the point. Breathtaking, jaw dropping, mind boggling experiences encompass most of my time here. Day 4 I hope to complete the Rim Trail. If not, there's always day 5. Spoiled.

back at the canyon

2011-05-15T11:37:00.000-04:00

Being in Flagstaff, I could bounce back and forth to Sedona and the Grand Canyon. I have since moved to just a few miles outside the Grand Canyon. I had uneasy feelings about coming here and am not sure why. Coming up without the trailer and checking out where to park was a big relief. Who thought that you could boondock right outside a National Park. But that hasn't relieved my tension. My spot outside the park is grand. Surrounded by tall pines and gorgeous sky, no explanation for the fear. Just after leaving my spot in Flagstaff, a hawk, which I haven't seen in a number of weeks, flew right in front of me. Hawks are my totem and I would always see them daily. This hawk flew just above the road, almost grazing it, directly in front of me, as if leading me. Then it turned and flew to my left, south. The meaning? I'm with you is the first, stay low, keep your head low, watch out, watch where your going.....the pine needles crunch beneath my feet where I am boondocking, making me uneasy, and there is a warning today due to wind and low humidity.

Sedona

2011-05-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

These pictures were taken driving from Flagstaff to Sedona through the Oak Creek Canyon. The color of the stones in the water were so unexpected. Also, the large boulders were more or less of the same color providing a fun dichotomy between the two.

I could add a hundred pictures of Sedona. It wouldn't convey the experience. The area felt like visiting your grandfather, who you hadn't seen in a while. That warm and friendly, familiar and safe, rugged and caring man who could melt your heart. Sedona is priceless, a must see yet more so a must experience.

Grand, just grand

2011-05-12T11:05:00.000-04:00

Grand Canyon

I don't know what happened. Everything. Nothing. Maybe just verbalizing my thoughts helped. Nah.
All I know is that I do Not feel the same. I think part of it is being out of NM. What a depressing place. So many people there that I talked to said that as soon as they saw the land, they knew they were home. Georgia O'Keeffe loved it there. It makes New Jersey look like paradise. (There, how many people can I offend at once.) I will never go back- unless I am on tour, and that's a long shot!

Crossing into Arizona the change was immediate. The vegitation existed, the terrain seemed to change along with the feel. There must be some past life reason why I felt and noticed how much more beautiful Arizona is. It has helped change my attitude completely. The weather hasn't been the best, yet it is still amazing unpredictably beautiful. While on the phone with a friend, the sun was out and it was snowing. Not snow like back east. Back east we have snow flakes. Light, airy, wispy that melt as soon as they touch anything. This was more like that ice melt you purchase, little white balls that bounce when they hit the truck and let you know that they're arrived. Arrogant little guys saying notice me. So beautiful.

Sedona

I found joy. I found peace. I found reason. Hopefully it will keep the momentum going. Flagstaff, Sedona, and the Grand Canyon are so visually moving. You can't help but make that connection to spiritual. At least I can't. And to think I wanted to walk away from this. The lessons never stop, the learning never stops, the fear does get easier. I knew that if I could just get through that rough patch, the other side would be different. I didn't know that it would make me even stronger in ways that are difficult to express. I could simply say that, traveling has allowed me to focus on the life I want. Getting past the fear and loneliness has reiterated that focus into a strong desire, a need, a worthiness.

cusp

2011-05-08T23:12:00.000-04:00

I have to finish whatever it is that I started.
I don't know what that is- at this juncture of the journey.
It seems to have gotten confusing lately.
But I do feel the end of this experience is very near.
Maybe it will end with a parade and confetti, the truths being known,
or simply a nondescript moment in time with the turning of a page.
I do hope that the experience enhances my future in unimaginable ways.

Solo

2011-05-06T23:33:00.001-04:00

Well, its been an interesting few days. The blue skies have crept into my consciousness creating gray, discomfort within myself, a lack of interest to continue. I've hit a wall. Sometimes I can pass through it easily, today I think I made myself sick. I almost crawled back in the trailer and just slept. My version of closing down. I've lost the point of this journey. Seeing these amazing places is wonderful, I must admit, but the......passion, the thrill, the excitement is gone. 5 months and a few days have come succumb into a slow motion crash. I've lost the point of this journey. It's not to say that I haven't learned a tremendous amount about myself that was previously obscured. I know what I want. I'm ready to start my life. Now.

I emailed a friend for words to help me get through this and he was great in his response. I'm very lucky to have a friend like that. But continuing would be.....pointless. What would be the point? What would it prove? I know, I've come this far, may as well continue. I'd just be going through the motions though. I think a better approach would be to settle down and pursue a valuable life that I realize I need: Community, friends, those connections that I long for. I've learned friends are the most important facet of life, after health. Culture, music, art, and the ability to interact with them. Finally, a career. (whatever that is...) Then I could travel, as I've always dreamed of, for a month or two and have a base, a home, a community to come home to. This disconnect is....has prioritized my version of what I want my life to be. And I want to start it Now.

lack of internet

2011-05-03T19:13:00.001-04:00

No internet in Madrid so i am pulled over in Santa Fe in an Albertson's parking lot while horses in a trailer let me know this place is unique. The beauty is all around, with more sky than earth, giving everything a new meaning. I woke to temps probably in the 20's, I don't know the exact temp nor want to. I just know my water didn't freeze. When its that cold I usually wake up around 6am, as I have the past 2 days, as that is when it is the coldest. Today turned out to be incredibly gorgeous and warm. It seems that no matter where I go I can see mountains with snow on them. I spent today in Bandelier National Monument. The drive alone was a sight to behold. Switchback roads dipping high and low with terrain I have only seen in pictures. Amazing. I did take pics but I doubt that they can capture the awe and beauty. Yesterday was Georgia O'Keeffe's museum and while her art is truly amazing and moving, she, like so many others here, knew that as soon as they saw the landscape, that they belonged here. I wish I could say that but I long for green rolling hills of the northeast. Pennsylvania is so incredibly beautiful that I can wait to return some day to gaze at her soft rolling hills and hear the sounds of Pine Creek while I toss a fishing line in with hopes of catching only the beauty in the hills. I am anxious to get to Colorado as I believe it to be like home with more majestic mountains and rushing waters yet I have Arizona and Utah yet to visit first. Maybe in those places I will find where I belong. If not, there always the northeast.

Aahhh

2011-04-30T23:35:00.000-04:00

Peace. Tranquility.
Finally.

Don’t get me wrong, Austin was wonderful. The people that I met and shared time with were difficult to leave. The city is amazing. So much to do on a cultural level, a small town feel, with the ability to recharge through nature, which is everywhere throughout the city. Then there was Carlsbad. Again, Eydie and Mike made the time there priceless. The connection to people is becoming a requirement for me. Then there was Albuquerque and Santa Fe. ABQ was a total ick. The energy there is not for me. I would be very content to never visit there again. Santa Fe was….sorry to say, a typical tourist town. I didn’t feel the connection that I was hoping for. I would consider a revisit, this time with a friend/s or a significant other.

Finally, I have found peace. Listening to my souls needs has been difficult, for some idiotic reason. I instinctively knew what it needed but accomplishing it was a step into faith. Now that I have attained the lack of fear to fulfill my souls needs, I am confident that what it and I need will be provided.

I am renewed. The past 2 days, although not perfect weather wise, actually far from it, have afforded me an inner peace that I haven’t felt for some time on this journey. I don’t mean to negate my previous experiences, that is not my intent. They were what I needed at that time. It is just to say that my souls needs are becoming unavoidable. By honoring its needs, it in turn honors me with total peace, tranquility, and an experience in nature that is filled with beauty and awe. I am boondocking in Madrid, NM. An old mining town from the 1800’s with lots of stories to support its drab façade. Mostly comprised of shacks, which I have an affinity for, that were imported from another mining town back east. While the land looks as though it was used as a sand box, the views it affords are as far as the eye can see. Valleys, plateaus, soft hills, gigantic mountains with snow on them all dotted with scrub brush the only green in sight. I can’t even imagine the next spot that will be off the beaten path, earmarked by fate to be my next address, if only for a night.

Albuquerque

2011-04-26T22:12:00.000-04:00


46 degrees at 7:30pm. I was wearing shorts and a Tshirt

Once again too many days between writings. Once again not much to write about although I was in ABQ, hence the reason.
Approaching the city from I25, nestled between the mountains, you begin to see the makings of a city. One of the first landmarks is a casino. Now, I know one or two people that would be thrilled at the site but I for one am not. The mountains continue to envelop the city as it begins to show itself to you while still on the highway. My stay was only a few blocks from the downtown area and route 66. The city was sleepy with little to no energy, even during the day and the infamous 66 was littered with the tragic attempts at reminders of what was. In the case of route 66 through this area, memory or postcards are the best experience. While the weather is phenomenal, little humidity makes for great exploring out of doors. The residents of said city appear to all have been neutered in region of the brain that has anything to do with kindness, compassion, and driving skills. For the first 2 days every red light was ran by at least one driver, if not more. Yes, every red light. It makes towing ones life behind you quite uneasy. I can go on for some time about the grotesque experience of Albuquerque, though there were some bright spots, namely not the people. The Sandi Peak tram was breathtaking. I choose the most beautiful night for a sunset. The museums were interesting as the area is unto itself with history of earth and man. The meals were good, albeit I have no idea what the big deal is about red or green. So, goodbye ABQ, goodbye. The best way to see the city is in your rear view mirror. As a note, I did have my truck repaired there by a very conscious garage owner, who actually charged me less than her quote.

Eydie and Mike

2011-04-17T12:21:00.000-04:00

Be careful what you pray for, you may just get it.
I had such a wonderful experience with numerous warm and friendliy people in Austin that I prayed to meet more amazing people as it enhances my journey substantially. Some prayers are answered quickly as is the case with Eydie and Mike. My sisters friend Holly posted on my facebook page about her friends living in Carlsbad. I asked if I could perhaps meet them, if only to get information on the area. After 3 days I am still parked in their yard.

It isn't often, in my experience, that I meet people who completely open themselves and their home to a stranger. We shared delicious home cooked meals, conversation on varied topics some considered taboo, (ie, sharing our true opinions) and outing to their favorite park, and many other experiences. I was quickly treated as one of the family or an old old friend. When is the last time any of you have done this? Image what experiences you could have, image what you could learn about yourself by doing this.

The energy we create by this exchange is substantial. That bond that we as humans crave is fulfilled instantly, lifting our hearts and minds and energy to a seldom experiences plateau. It is a snow ball or an addiction: once the taste of pure love is felt, more is needed. And once it is created and released, it goes out into the universe, picks up more of like energy, and (the really cool part) comes back to you and knocks you off your feet! ( whatever you send out comes back so be very careful about what you give because the same is true with any energy, negative or positive . Any.) I want more! I want to give and receive the kinds of exchanges that I experienced for the past few days. I want that bond with people, I want that connection, I want that instant fulfillment that IS possible between strangers.

Thank you Universe, thank you. My gratitude for knowing the laws of the Universe and applying them fulfills me.

Driving through Texas to NM

2011-04-14T19:53:00.012-04:00

The drive through western Texas to NM was a 2 day journey. The scenery changed constantly in Texas and who knew it could be so breathtaking. Soft rolling hills naked or covered with green short vegetation, majestic mountains with their tops shaved off, windmills for as far as the eyes could see atop mountain plateaus, and much more. Day 2 was...interesting. Their was a wind advisory, up to 50 mph. Wow. I'd have my foot on the pedal and the wind would push me back to 50 mph. I went through lots of extra gas but pushed on to Carlsbad for a fun reason. When I left Austin I prayed that this journey include more exchanges with fun and interesting people. For me, experiencing people is making this incredibly journey twice as enjoyable. Well, my sisters friend posted on my Facebook wall that her best friend lived in Carlsbad. I took a chance and contacted Holly who I have never met but knew that she has been my sisters friend for many years. I inquired if I could possibly talk to her friends or meet them to get an idea of the area. They invited me to park my trailer in their yard, chatted me up like an old friend would, broke bread, and are incredibly gracious. I feel sooo blessed to have met them. I know that my praying and expecting made a difference. I know that praying/setting myself up for what I want is as easy as asking for it, believing that I am worthy and that it will come, and then getting out of my own way so that it does come. It is a very easy concept that I have practiced for years with huge success. I am so blessed.

Austin!

2011-04-13T21:16:00.001-04:00

Austin is the only city that I have been to that, as soon as I show up, I have friends. Lots of them. Friends, not just acquaintances. These people know what life is about and don't take it sitting down. The name of the game is living life to the fullest, experiencing what it has to offer. Truly amazing people.

A few years past I had intentions of moving to Austin. The same thing happened when I arrived then. I attended church, Science of Mind it was called. Now it is the Center for Spiritual Living. I met Gail, who introduced me to numerous friends of hers and it just kept going. From the moment I arrived until the moment I left, amazing friendly people were around me. It makes continuing on my journey somewhat difficult to leave those bonds behind. And a city that offers an eclectic verity of music that one can always find a live show somewhere. It still makes me smile to think that bands play at grocery stores, and not just any band but top of shelf entertainers. If you've never been to Austin, GO. There is so much to do that anyone's interest can easily be pursued. I have never held a city, it's people and culture, so dear to my heart. Thank you Austin, I Love You!

time off

2011-04-06T16:22:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a while, I know. For some reason I felt the need to withdraw. I guess we all need to from time to time. Regroup, take inventory, plan. Recharge. Process.

I Couchsurfed a week in Fairhope, AL. My host, as all of them seem to be lately, was interesting. Not in the interesting way you hope people to be. He talked over me. Constantly. I despise that. But, I resigned myself to listen, and to learn something from the experience. That appears to be my innate mantra as of late. No matter who I talk to, or listen to in this situation, I gather experiences about others and myself. My ability to let go of control and question my perceptions while others tug as tight as they can on an idea, imposing their concepts and beliefs without listening to others keeps replaying itself. Never allowing themselves the opportunity to hear an others view of the world, limiting themselves and their experiences into their tiny perception of reality seems opposite of the Couchsurfing mission. When the idea is to share opinions and experiences to open ourselves to other possible interpretations, not limiting ourselves through our own interpretation of our experiences.

Mobile Bay, Alabama

He has a nice home a half a block up from the Mobile Bay. It's charming, as one of the remaining original homes although updated and remodeled. He was knowledgeable in several fields, somewhat competent as a host, a singer and musician, and a sailor. He single handed sailed to Belize. I stayed parked in his driveway for 7 days, 5 of which he was working out of state. The time alone was not as recharging as I had hoped it to be although it allowed me to make some realizations, which in turn, came about as recharging.

2011-03-24T15:29:00.001-04:00

The past couple days I've been hiking around Torreya State Park here in Florida. One area has special appeal to me. I pick up that Indians used a specific area, I'm not sure for what. Possibly ceremonial for ancestral contact. It was on a little hill, above a marshy area with trees growing in it that the energy was subtle. The first time I noticed it I felt as if someone were watching me, protective of the area. They seemed to watch over the marshy area with regard. I tried to communicate with the spirit but he/she didn't want to communicate with me. This occurred yesterday when I approached the area from the east. Today, on another hike, I approached the same area from the west, assuming yet not knowing that I was very near the same area from yesterday..

Today I noticed a very tall hill, this is Florida, where there seemed to be an Indian standing watch as the Apalachicola river was withing sight. I hiked to the top of the hill to see what I could intuit. I believe that they used this hill to watch for people coming and going on the river, possibly climbing the trees to get a better vantage point. I also felt 2 young girls playing at the base of the trees. Young as in 5ish. Their version of play was not something I am familiar with as it felt subtle, quiet. Again I tried to communicate but again I felt as if they didn't trust me.

Also, I have decided that I am going to manifest a kayak. Every time I am around water I feel the need to be on it. I have wanted a kayak for some time, just never fulfilling my desire. I could see my trip changing to accommodate using the kayak often as I have such a draw to water. A couple at the campground has kayaks and as I struck up a conversation with her she told me to me keep tabs on a national chain as they occasionally have 50% off coupons online.

Finally, I have also had a draw to Mobile Bay, just below Mobile, AL. I have been trying to manifest a place to couchsurf. One profile seemed to be a perfect match but he declined my request, stating he was busy. I know otherwise. He's not comfortable with my lifestyle. Another profile I contacted didn't resonate with me but I thought that I may get a lead out of contacting him. Well, my skills were off. This guy is great. Musician, sailor, down to earth on right on the bay. He is stuck on something in his life that is holding him back is my impression so I will be curious to find out if I am 'on' with this. Hopefully he will allow me to come tomorrow. He stated that I could stay a day, a week, or longer. People are amazing if you give them a chance.

2011-03-22T13:41:00.000-04:00

The fog didn’t lift until around noon today. I was up by 530 as I fell asleep early. Full moons always make me tired. I went outside several times to view the morning stillness. It was if everything was frozen in time. Not a sound, only the beauty of feeling as though I am the only person to experience this miracle. By 930 I was out the door and off to wherever. I turned left out of the camping area, destination unknown. The road turned to a packed sand trail only for 2 tire’s and complete with several mud puddles to add to the other worldly feeling. The forest engulfed me with its tall pencil pines and leafy scrub underneath decorated like a Christmas tree with cobwebs shaped like balloons. The stillness through the fog persisted for another 2 hours while I walked around making virtually the only noise with the click of my camera. The deafening sound of silence held me in its power, waiting an hour for any sound to cross my ears. I think I could have heard a butterfly swoop by.

I prayed and meditated, feeling at peace as the foggy stillness can bring me. After some time, I read a little and then decided to drive on. The road continued to tell its story while it lead me in a circle, back to camp where there are only 6 sites and one for the host. I was going to take another drive after lunch but to my glorious surprise, the neighbors in front of me left only a smoldering fire as my view is now unobstructed. The noise of flies and bees that make their home in the sand stay in tune with the wind blowing some leaves off the trees. Sunlight brings another form of peace yet energizes me. The mystery of unknown disappears in the brightness, bringing the conscious mind to the forefront.

The host is a gentleman that states he is 70. He and his girlfriend stay in his RV next to the only water supply. A gracious fellow with white hair and activity level of a 30 year old. I have learned that everyone has a message to give so I listen to his stories. The first was about the one job he ever had in his life, always being self employed the rest of the time. The boss would chastise him in front of the other employees. He would walk into his boss’s office and ask him politely not to treat him that way, rather confront him in the office. The boss apologized, giving him a 50 cent raise. Well, as boss’s go, he did it again. And again he went into the office requesting that if words need to be spoken to call him into the office. Another 50 cent raise ensued. He stated that if it happens again, he would quit. Not another couple weeks later, he resigned. The other story was about this movie that he saw. The main character was a man who was decent looking but always thought that he should get the prettiest woman. The man didn’t look at what was inside these woman, only thier looks. Through the movie he learned of his previous poor choices and began to see the beauty of the person within. My host applied this to his life and now has a very compatible companion.

2011-03-20T18:31:00.000-04:00

I'm couchsurfing in Newberry, Fl and my host is a workaholic so there's no time for hanging out. I do some local exploring and Friday evening I google full moon and what do I find but a music camping event for the weekend. I'm off! Saturday morning I am up early and pull out by 10, not stopping to stock up on supplies, just chasing after the music. Rural norther Florida is gorgeous with many farms and spring abounds. I arrive by 11, park to walk around and find a spot as there is no assigned camping, first come first serve. I find this spot that seems nice. I make a few comments to a woman next to where I'll be camping , no impressions, just conversation. I tell her that I am going to camp near her. When I arrive I request her assistance for a few moments to chock my wheels. In the few minutes speaking she starts ripping off these one line mantras that I have used for years. Thought creates. Thoughts are things. You create your reality, etc. We connected immediately. She is a cabinet maker with her own business. No, she isn't gay. Her life and interests read like....mine. She has a love for nature, has a small farm and is psychic. Very psychic, very gifted. I have had hawks for a totem for a while now. They seem to appear everywhere for me, and I love them. Well, she is a falconer. Something I never knew existed but will definitely pursue when I commit to a location. She also has an aquarium with turtles. We both dislike snakes. The list goes on and on of the similarities. It was eerie.

I had been praying for a teacher. A male teacher to show me the way of these new experiences, as there seem to be new impressions about every other day. That night I had someone touch my face repeatedly while I slept. I kept saying, 'Leave me alone. I'm trying to sleep.' Maybe I should have gotten up to see what it was about but sometimes the sleeping mind isn't the most coherent. Maybe it was better to be in charge, I don't know. I don't want to loose impressions or lessons so next time I will get up. If I remember. I digress. I was confident that she was the person to guide me, teach me. I learned so much in that 24 hour period. It's easier to see spirit in the mist or fog. Protect myself. Believe. She reiterated much of the knowledge that I had inherently. Spirit (God) is in everything. We are all made up of cells. Everything is made of cells. We are all related. We are all one. It is difficult to grasp as I have known this for years but as I become more psychic, the closer I feel to everything. I am especially careful of my thoughts as they go out into the universe and create. Sometimes immediately. That is why it is very important to never get angry. Ever. First, there is no need. Second, thoughts create so that anger creates. Scary to realize the boomerang of thoughts as they DO come back to us. So, as of this writing, I haven't heard from my 24 hour psychic friend. I know that she is with me, sending me thoughts, and that for reasons that are only known to her, she hasn't contacted me. I also know that I cannot put any meaning into that. I have to just allow it to be what it is, without judgment. Something that isn't always the easiest for me, something that I am more aware of being in control of.

I'm still sorta in shock that all of the hap hazard events that led up to me meeting her weren't really hap hazard. I KNOW that Spirit guides me and gives me what I want and need yet for some reason this just seems to big to comprehend. But, in the future I do know that whatever events or people come into my life, no mater if it is a street sweeper or a president of a company, their presence in my life is more than just hap hazard. And for that, I am grateful.

2011-03-17T17:50:00.001-04:00

Another first.
So I'm driving down the road. I have left Tribly and headed to Newberry, Fl. I am going to couchsurf with Liz and stay in my trailer in her yard. There are lots of natural springs around the area to check out and it is time to start meandering north to go west. I had many signs that it was time. While bike riding a hawk, my totem, was flying with me due north. On another bike ride, a juvenile hawk sat on a mile marker. Both saying, time to go Christopher. Being in nature recharges me. Or balances me. Both. So, I'm driving down the road and I 'm not sure if I am thinking about my sister or her energy comes to me. I was listening to NPR about the tsunami. I was overwrought with the thought of people loosing their families given the recent realization that my sister lost her entire family in one day. I started having heartburn. I never get heartburn. Sis just asked me that when I was visiting her. It got pretty intense. Then I had major anxiety. I was overcome with it. Right in the center of my chest. I was still driving but had to call my sister. Was she ok? Did her sugar go low and she's laying on the floor unable to answer my call? I knew it was intuition but I was so scared. The feeling was incredibly intense. She answered. Thank God. I immediately asked if she were ok, she laughed and said yes. She stated that she was having major difficulties with a work project from a vendors inept program. I was driving so I knew that she was ok and hung up. The anxiety persisted though. I almost couldn't breath! I wasn't scared for me, but pretty out of sorts trying to make my mind comprehend that I was picking up on my sister's energy. That has never happened. Well, not that strong. I called her again when I had a chance to pull over and slightly calm down. Just before that I was looking at the trees or anything and saying, 'oh how pretty, look at that.' Hoping that I could bounce back some calming energy. I asked more details and again confirmed she was upset with work. I told her that she can't do that to me ever again and changed the subject to calm us both down. I don't know who is more in shock, her for knowing that I picked up that energy or myself for it being so strong that I could barely drive. Now I know that when I have that feeling again, it is someone terribly upset and nothing worse.

2011-03-16T17:14:00.001-04:00

I meditated on where to go from here, literally. I wanted Spirit to guide me and tell me. What town was I to go to and do what? I am eager for that information as I feel that is my calling. I swear I could pick something up from a cucumber but I can't ready for myself. Yes I was disappointed. The last time I meditated I saw 3 ghosts. Why can't I tune into Spirit for myself? I have no answer, at this time. But, I did get my answer, just not how I expected. Which means that another step was learned in this process of becoming more psychic, more in tune with Spirit.

My answer came from, are you ready for this, a person! I was aghast. What I had been praying/meditating for was presented to me from my current host's friend, John. He told me about several state parks here in Florida that were a must see. As he was telling me the details, I listened to that voice within that said, this is a message from Spirit. This is what I was looking for. It didn't answer my question completely yet I knew it was the answer. How? I trusted that feeling inside of me. To be more in touch with yourself, the God within, you must listen to that voice. Period. You must learn to hear it, trust it, and believe. Call it intuition, a hunch, a knowing. That is what you are looking for to be in direct communication with the God within, or Spirit. It is a step in the process not just of becoming psychic. It is a step that will open innumerable doors to the life that was intended for us.

And don't discount where, or who, the answer comes from.

The Train

2011-03-15T21:50:00.000-04:00

It may be my last time to see the train I thought, so I walked over to watch it go by. This time the huge engines slowed down across from me, as if to say, ‘Jump on Chris, we’re slowing down and heading north for you.” Funny, this time lumbering by, he didn’t squeeze one thousand geese at once to announce his arrival.

Spirit communicates with me, and you I believe, in numerous ways. Answering our questions, guiding us if we listen to the subtly delivery of the answers we ask. We don’t have to look for the answers, they will come to us after we set our intentions. What it is that I am requesting?

One way spirit communicates with us is through itself. For me I would define that as being psychic although everyone is psychic. We all have the ability to be in tune with ourselves and others. The energy is there for anyone to see or read. I believe that you have to be in touch with your own personal spirit in order to be awake enough to recognize when you are receiving a sign. Spirit also communicates through nature and animals. I see hawks around me practically wherever I go. Their behavior I study, read, and interpret to apply to myself to learn from. People, I have learned, are also Spirits means to deliver or answer questions.

Whatever charges the soul, and is pursued, opens yourself to………………the infinite possibilities
of spirit.

Loss

2011-03-12T10:12:00.059-05:00

I knew that I didn't have any family left, except for my one sister. I have accepted this fact with ease. Nor have I focused on the loss of interaction with the remaining immediate living family. In a highly controversial statement, without the reader knowing the details, I am content with these facts, happy in that I don't have the fear of my deceased sisters family in my life. I know that when I do settle down, I will create my own family. One that I will have manifested on all the levels that healthy families function on. Love, respect, communication.

When my other sister passed, the connection to her family quickly faded. Funny, I never had an interest in her husband as I knew he was not the kind of man to be honorable. Unfortunately, one of his son's also has no interest in maintaining a connection due to his fathers beliefs, not his own, as he doesn't know what his own beliefs are.

I never reflect upon how my one living sister has had to deal with this loss. I am sad for her as in one day she lost her entire family except for me, due to what appears to be the inevitable break up of a family caused by the greed of others when someone dies. In her case it was more than greed. Money, things, were important, not basic human respect for another person. Yet, her need to reach out, to forgive and move on is more than honorable. I am proud.

2011-03-11T14:45:00.040-05:00

While camping this past summer, I met a new friend. He had the energy of a person that was real. He had no ulterior motives, no negativity coming from him. The friendship was an easy experience. I visited him and he reciprocated. We got along as old friends do, allowing each the courtesy of self without any stipulations or judgment upon the friendship. We shared many interests with Thought Creates being one of them. At the time, I didn't consider myself psychic, which I now do. I am extremely grateful for the gift. I did not call to tell him that I was psychic although he has access to this blog. Just recently he came out to me as being psychic. He doesn't pursue it with the fervor that I do, nor does he even practice much, if at all, yet he is an extremely gifted psychic. (Bitch!....kidding. its not a competition thing, just a personal joke.) I find it fascinating that Spirit brought us together to be there for one another. Goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen next, who is going to come into your life or why.

2011-03-10T13:19:00.009-05:00

Another week has gone by since I have written. So much happens to me lately. I hope to focus on writing more as I have been given several readings that state I am to do so, and to deny that seems a sin. As a point of reference, I view a sin as an archery term which means to miss the mark.

Through fate, I had the chance to be in a home where a murder occurred approximately 26 years ago. I met the owner of the home through friend's of a friend. I don't own a television but have had the opportunity to see programs where psychic teenagers go to a location to determine what they can pick up. Watching these shows, I knew that I can do that and have wanted the chance to see if I could. As a note, my desire/intention and the amount of time for the opportunity to manifest itself was less than 30 days.

I guess that it wouldn't be appropriate to give the details here, although I will touch on the strongest sensations. The house has been completely remodeled. Upon first entering the home, I felt nothing. My ego sank. This is not about ego yet being human, I can't deny those feelings. I try to give thanks for my gift as I am extremely grateful for it. The next room I entered I couldn't breath. My chest was tight and the sensation was immediate. The owner stated that there was a fire in the house and originated in that room. Upon entering one of the bedrooms I knew that the murder occurred in that room by means of stabbing. In the hall I was drawn to a specific area that took me a while to determine its meaning, which turned out to be sacred ground. This is where the victim died. In another room, I sensed a piece of artwork hung on the hall that the victim loved in some regard. The assailant's reason for committing the crime was unrequited love. I picked up many details that were later confirmed by the owner of the home. There were also many other details that I did not pick up.

In another freinds home I picked up an entity, only because the owner felt 'something' and I wanted to see what I could pick up. The energy was low but I did pick it up. After visiting the area where the energy was several times, I felt a strong burning in my throat, not that of heartburn. I determined it to be throat cancer and asked the owner if she knew of anyone having died of this. She stated that her grandfather, whom she adored, had passed of this.Hopefully this is him keeping an eye on her.

It seems that if I go about my life without focusing on anything, I don't pick anything up. But with the slightest attempt, I have a knowing and sense's.

2011-03-03T22:32:00.000-05:00

Rereading this past post I sound so arrogant. 'Highly connect to source.' Hmm.Well, there's hesitation now in those words. Yes, I allow source energy to enter my life, usually in a loving manner. But theres a story.

On that past full moon, I attended a ceremony in Melbourne, Fl. This event had been held at the same place by the same people doing the same rituals at every said event. I am familiar with releasing unwanted desires on full moons and have attended previous full moons celebrations but not at the one I am speaking of. The next morning, I woke with this overwhelming depression. I felt as though I had been depressed for months. This isn't the kind of depression that someone just wakes up with. The feeling was too real. Unfortunately, I know that feeling from experience. I tried all day to shake it and I did. By noon I was feeling out of the deepest part and by late day completely out of the woods. I knew I wold be fine.

The past few days at Tracy's I have had the feeling of rage. Not anger, rage. I felt like walking by his sofa and cutting it with a knife and I felt like kicking the dog. This type of feeling I am unfamiliar with. I did go through a few episodes of high pitched anger while settling mom and Bill's estates, I must admit, but nothing like this feeling. Only this time I am not trying desperately to shake it. It has been with me for days and did begin to effect my behavior. I may have possibly lost a friend. We communicate via email and the once a year phone call I initiate. I told him via email that he was making poor choices and that I no longer choose to be his friend.

Remember that phrase, 'Highly connect to source.'

There's something going on.

The full moon was for release. I choose my addictions of food, alcohol, and cigarettes. I set my intentions upon the stick that we prepared. I followed the ceremony and participated. Now I am wondering if God didn't have other traits in addition for me to release. Depression I understand as I have had direct experience but the rage feeling that I experience was way beyond any feeling I ever care to have. The feeling of hate, anger, destruction all combined. It was a very scary experience. Not the person I want to be.

But there has to be a point for me to expereince both of these emotions. Follow in faith.

2011-02-28T22:19:00.004-05:00

Looking back over the years, so much makes sense. Finally. Actually, I guess that i am lucky to figure things out. I remember just sort of being out of it when I was a kid. Never really grasping the moment, at least on the level that I knew that I was suppose to. Always being in a fog, my mind and body not fitting into what was transpiring at the time. I think that I was intuitive then. I know I was. I have been doing some reading, 'Develop your psychic skills.' It explains my thinking/reactions to many situations in my life. I didn't know how to handle my ability and due to my childhood, blamed myself for the times that I was picking up on someone else's emotions. I could wait in line at the grocery store and feel the angst of the person behind me. I would blame myself, thinking that they were upset with me. Reading this book has taught me that thinking that was childish and that I need to learn how to understand and possibly apply that I am 'feeling.' The drama of my childhood was a double edged sword. Did it enhance or create my psychic abilities? Without those traumatic experiences, maybe I wouldn't be psychic. Who knows. The past is just that, the past. I don't care to dwell on it. Most of the time. As an adult, I consider myself lucky not to posses a lot of the skills people have honed like manipulation, self hatred, gossip, or anger as disconnect from source supplies innumerable difficulties in life. I intuitively had an opinion of what God was and one day I found a religion that has the exact same beliefs. I believe that I am highly connected to source, or God, or whatever you want to call it. We all are. I just allow myself to be connected. I found, listen to, and trust the voice within. The God within. Maybe an extension of intuition is what you could call it. We all have God within, most people are afraid to look inside. They would rather put their nose to the butt ahead of them, follow and be told how to think about God rather than go to the most unknown, themselves.

I have learned though that it is still monstrously difficult for me to find people that I feel comfortable being around for an extended time or, what we all want, to be friends with. I see everyone's inability to figure life out, in a positive way and on their terms. I see their fears. I see what holds them back, mostly themselves. God isn't putting up stop signs specifically for them. People hold themselves down, and some do it too well. They put so much effort into hating themselves, or sabotaging themselves or their success, or manipulating others, etc.. So many people are disconnected from this the God within, their intuition. Clueless as to what is going on around them, acting out in non loving ways. I also see their potential. My wish is to motivate people to be the best that they can be, or to be the person God intended them to be. This is not an easy wish. People cling fast to their self depredation, and showing them a way that could enhance their life in a positive manner is probably the single most difficult challenge a person could ever undertake. But I feel its my path.

There are many versions of disconnect from source, but most people fit into just a few categories.
So many people are out of control in their own lives, for different reasons yet pretty much within a set group of problems. Some try to control others. I can't begin to tell you how many of those there are in the world. At this writing, I would say most people fit into this category who aren't connected. For the record, you don't need to control others to get what you want. That's not the way. Actually, its pretty much a huge disconnect from source so if you want your life to continue to produce pain in some regard of your life, stay on the path of manipulation. Another group is the poor me/martyr syndrome.They're fun. Not. I grew up with that as a parent. You can't begin to imagine and I won't go into detail. These traits are not innate. You have to cultivate them. Why put so much energy into something that is only going to produce lack on some level? I am not familiar with how they feel or the reasons behind them, other than fear. There is only Love. Fear only exists in peoples minds but that's another post.

Phone reading

2011-02-18T17:18:00.000-05:00

I did a reading for someone that I didn't know last night. On the phone. Cool! It started out slow as I wasn't getting much. His energy was soft and even. The first impression that I had was that he owned 2 cats. After that the information came more readily when he spoke. Hearing his voice many times aided in my receiving. By his speaking, I could tune in better to his vibration. He started asking questions which also helped a great deal. I will have to implement asking myself questions and note to future clients that questioning is an aid at this time. That is why some people use crystals and stones or others use tarot cards.

In my minds eye I would receive pictures, and a knowing. His constant questions facilitated hearing and seeing more, like looking through the pile of puzzle pieces for the right one. I knew his father was a hard man, a drinker, and that he didn't ever want to see or acknowledge his son. The pain people inflict on themselves and others is unbelievable to me. I can't imagine having that type of energy or that type of life. I am lucky that I don't take work home with me in that I don't' try to fix these people. The information that I give them is from Spirit and what they choose to do with it is up to them.

Accuracy is important for me. I was lucky in that he validated my reading virtually step by step. I realized that some people are eager to give you information and that I have to interrupt them as too much information isn't good for me at this time. Confirmation is.

Pursue your desires

2011-02-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

I was going to write about my evening with Monette and her psychic friend Brenda. That was the intent upon driving to Starbucks, to sit in air conditioning and reflect upon the evening. I think that in the world of spiritualism, things can change pretty quickly if you are open. I was listening to a story on the radio about a person’s life, which was transformed through his interaction with a horse. He was a prisoner, a young man apparently, who had never felt love until this horse gave it to him, and the people who worked there. I was so overcome with emotion. I practically cried. I think the tears welled in my eyes. Imagine: the light bulb coming on at that point in your life, and being in prison, that an animal changed a persons life, that an animal taught a person what love is. I am becoming slightly emotional just recalling it. I am learning that in order to become a better psychic, I need to pay closer attention to my emotions, and to the many other subtle nuances that I may not have noticed.

More than anything, I want to be that person who makes a difference in people’s lives. I am learning that my inner most desires seem to correlate to who I am intended to be. Maybe you folks already know this, but it’s new to me. There appears to be a direct connection to feeling a strong emotion or desire and the seed of that feeling or desire already being planted inside of me. Destiny. I am destine to help people. Just like I was destine to become a psychic. I have always wanted to help people. It only makes sense that somehow I will do this. Ok, so I am feeling pretty stupid. I mean, doesn’t this just seem logical? Pursue your desires? When something moves your soul, is so moving that it makes you cry, stop in your tracks, a strong desires, Pursue it!!

2011-02-15T00:32:00.011-05:00

I did a reading for my friend Monette the other evening. It was late, around the same time it is now, 12:30 a.m. I wasn't tired and thought that I could use her as a guinea pig. I wanted to give a reading without trying. Whats 'without trying' you ask. I have no idea. I am not really sure how this works to begin with so not trying appears to be the same as trying. Not trying was just typing what came to me. No 'thought' involved. Please excuse all the quotes. Using thought isn't what being psychic is, at least for me at this point. Thought is just that, thought. Somehow I instinctively know the difference between a thought and a psychic knowing. Again, don't ask me how. Apparently I have been psychic for a while as this comes pretty easy for me. Funny, I remember thinking for years that there has to be something, anything that I can do that doesn't take umpteen years of practice. I mean come on. Isn't there just one thing on this earth that I am instinctively good at for cripes sake!? I tried so many things in my life and nothing came without grueling mistakes, redo's, and lots of studying. Finally, being a psychic came without trying. Ok, I can deal with that. So, I type this long reading and then turn the computer off and go to bed. I send it to her in the morning knowing that I honestly had no hopes or expectations pinned on the outcome. Lucky for me. After Monette and I had a chance to review the content, she informed me that I was approximately "92.5% accurate". Get the heck out!! Really!! Freaking Sweet!! Here's something that I am pretty darn good at. Without even trying!! Finally.

Last night at dinner Monette pressured me to read the waiter. I said that I was there to enjoy a meal and not read someone. I mean come on, there was a boat load of sushi in front of me and no one I knew for the past umpteen years liked sushi. I couldn't remember the last time I had sushi. I was in heaven. You want me to read the waiter? I threw her a bone and saw 3 things in him that I stated. She called the waiter over and he ended up talking to us for 20 minutes. Yep, correct again.

So my ego was pretty big when I went to this beginners class for psychic development this evening. Don't ask how I find these classes, I just do. Anyway, I did good with finding the hidden object and knew what it was. I did pretty good at another exercise too. I totally flat lined at knowing what cards the teacher looked at. Goose egg score. I could here the air of my ego hissing out of my over inflated head. The next exercise was psychometry. This is where an item holds residual energy from the owner and I pick up that energy. I usually blow myself away with this. I got a woman's bracelet. I could have felt more from a stone. This thing was giving me nothing. All I could pick up was 'slow, and low.' What the heck is that!? Slow and low, for cripes sake. Its all I got. Boring. The owner never wore the item and had it in her pocket for a few hours previous to class. Ok, so for a beginners class I did pretty good. For a world class psychic, I sucked. This item was kept with her other jewelry so it should have picked up energy from that where in turn I should have picked up that energy. So everything doesn't come easy.

Momma Lee and timers

2011-02-04T10:31:00.001-05:00

So I sat with a friend last night and tried Psychometry which is holding a personal item and trying to pick up its energy. I have done this a couple times in the past with at least average/good success. Last night was pretty fun. The first item had little energy in it. I stated to the owner that the item had no meaning to her. Pretty much that was it. She told me I was correct but that it was previously owned by her mother. I now know that I need to go deeper in understanding/reading. The second item was a 15 minute story. At first I felt happiness and joy then followed by sadness. Odd I thought but I went with my impressions. I continued on as I felt the impressions, my words being noted by the owner. When we were done she was speechless. I had recounted the story of the owners life from beginning to end, with all the trials and tribulations that her life had. It was also said in the order of occurrence.

I still don't know how to feel about this. I guess I am excited, but don't' know what to do with it. Don't ask me how I do this. I have no idea. It just is there, in my mind. I believe that there may be more psychic impressions that were always assumed to be my thoughts but aren't. I am anxious to learn the difference, somehow. There was a friend of mine named Lee who passed a couple years ago. A group of us got together on a regular basis to do Reiki. We all called here Momma Lee. She was the mother I never had, so loving and supportive. When I walked through the door she called me her little boy and always had the most delicious food/meals I have ever had. I adored that woman. We all adored her. She was everyone's Momma in the group. She had a way of connecting with each person. Momma Lee was a Medium. She channeled an entity named Robert. Her funniest story was years ago Momma Lee's friend, who was also a Medium, and she got together one evening. Both of the entities that they channeled sat around that evening drinking beer and eventually becoming drunk. Momma Lee didn't get drunk for the experience and also stated that she peed standing up. I still laugh when I think of her telling the story. Well, the other night I was thinking and wondering if I could choose who I channeled, it would be Momma Lee. I don't recall focusing on it too hard but at one point either I set the timer that she gave me or it went off by itself. I can't remember but the timer went berserk. The digital numbers flashed in a non-readable manner, and the once beep, beep, beep of the alarm was frantically chirping annoyingly. That truly would be a blessing to have one of the most cherished women back in my life on a daily basis. I had never had the kind of love that she so freely and willingly bestowed upon me, forever filling an empty spot in my heart.

My favorite picture of Mamma Lee. She was in costume for a friends themed wedding.

2011-02-02T15:48:00.002-05:00

There are so many churches in this area that I am drawn too; Unity, Science of Mind, which now goes by another mantra, and Spiritualism. There are also psychics, mediums, healers, tarot readers, aura readers, animal psychics and the list goes on and on. Unity is more of a loosely based Christian religion while Science of Mind can simply be stated in terms of thought creates. Spiritualism does not believe in death, rather that the soul lives on, and that communication with the so called dead is possible. I resonate with Science of Mind and Spiritualism. Tonight I learned that there is a difference between a person who calls themselves a Psychic and a Medium. A psychic can read the energy and or thoughts of another person. A medium uses a spirit guide to be given information about another person. I am psychic. I have always been psychic. I knew when I was a child that I was different, for so many reasons. I could and still can look at most people and read them. By ‘read’ I mean that most people wear who they are like a story for me to read. It is so obvious to me that I have always wondered why others can’t see what is black and white to me. There aren’t literal words on these people, rather their eyes, hairstyle, clothes, body shape and size and many other physical characteristics all combine to create a visual story. Mostly I believe that I can see into people’s deepest part of their soul. I can see things about them that they don’t even know about themselves. I always think that if I could tell them what I see, their lives would improve, should they be able to face their demons.

Because I was exposed to a challenging childhood and knowing that I was different on many levels, I have a tendency to believe that these experiences contributed to enhance my ability. It has always been there, although for most of my life I have wondered if I am psychic or just terribly judgmental. Lately, the past 2 months, it seems to have become front and center that this ‘gift’ is requesting more of my attention. So many events have happened that are just beyond cool, or luck,
or fate. Meeting a stranger who shares my ability then becoming friends while living a vagabond lifestyle who exposes me to new experiences, being exposed to virtually everything that I don’t want in life, recognizing it and making a conscious choice to leave it, and being able to relocate to an area that is safe, practically the epitome of a natural zoo like setting which feeds my soul I can’t begin to tell you, and now accepting the fact that I am to pursue this endeavor, whatever that means. I am being gently yet assuredly guided into this adventure of the unknown world of mysticism.

2011-02-01T23:55:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, being Valentines Day, had no significance for me. The little guy with arrows and gold wings hasn’t shown himself to me in years. And years. Possibly he tripped and broke those sharp implements or I used up my quota already. Besides, we all know that he carries those arrows for a reason, love can be painful at times.
The man that turns my head will be bigger than life, yet blend in with everyone else. And to put up with me, he has to be special. I already know that my life is going to be extra unordinary. When the time is right, keeping up with me will be difficult. Speaking engagements, readings, classes, and a few other businesses tied together will keep me confused on my location let alone a love interest trying to keep tabs on me. Maybe he’ll be with me on these sojourns. That would be heavenly.
Regardless, sometimes it’s fun to buy into the main stream consciousness, or at least the commercialism of it all. So I text my new friend Monette to have diner, and we dive into a boatload of delicious sushi, literally. We met a few Sundays ago. I was at some metaphysical meeting, simply hoping to meet people. And to answer my question. I was sick and tired of thinking possibly and being told way too often that I am psychic. Or is that Psychic. Well, that day I told the Universe that I wanted an answer. Today was the day. It’s now or never. That’s what I thought. If I don’t find out today, I will not pursue this stupid, idiotic fantasy. No more prayers or mediation. No more attempts. I’m done. You know that scene in one of Harrison Ford’s movies where he is on a train and it derails with him and the other prisoners on board? As I recall it is in slow motion. That mass of energy crashing into the earth, showering the camera with dirt. You can just feel the intensity. It was nothing like that when I got my answer.
I had spent the day going to a Spiritualist church, among other quests. If you’ve never been to one, go. The parishioners are wonderfully charming, and they give readings in church. It is enlightening. I was hoping to get my question answered but nothing. Nada. Then I spent the afternoon outdoors in nature looking for the answer. If you’ve never been, go. Again nothing. That evening I went to a metaphysical meeting where the topic was Science of Mind. They’ve changed their name to something more forgettable but, if you’ve never been, run to the nearest church. It will change your life. The meeting was interesting, as the Pastor from the church was new to the area trying to spread the word of Ernest Holmes. With the meeting over, you guessed it, nada. I have said a few good-byes and had my hand on the door knob.
Picture this voluptuous, chocolate colored young lady trying to talk to me as I am walking out the door. I am tired, frustrated, and want to go back to my tiny trailer and start my life as what I had decided was a normal person. No more am I or aren’t I. I’m not. Fine. Let’s get on with life. And here’s this voice trying to keep me engaged in conversation. I really didn’t want to talk to her. I laugh at that thought now. That would have been the single most idiotic mistake of my life. You see, Monette is incredibly gifted as a Psychic, among many other things. Her voice and demeanor are soft and welcoming, nonjudgmental. Out of politeness, I step back into the room to answer her questions. Yea mom for instilling those traits. She was asking if I prefer Chris or Christopher. And what my last name was. My mind wasn’t engaged. I still wanted to leave. Who IS this person? I remember thinking, leave me alone. I want to go home. I want to put this entire day behind me. She disarmed me. I began to become interested in the conversation. The woman sitting between us told me that Monette is a very gifted psychic. As we talked, the conversation became quite interesting. A gifted psychic she is. She confirmed many facts about myself, answering my life long question.

Laundry day

2011-01-29T09:47:00.001-05:00

It's finally laundry day, not that I have so much underwear that I only have to do laundry once a month. I have learned some tricks about getting an extra day out of some items by turning them inside out. Hey, you live in a travel trailer for 59 days THEN we can talk about compromises necessary for this lifestyle. Anyway, going to a laundry mat has never been one of my top 10 things to do on a Saturday. Alas, I have not left my site. The owner has a washing machine outside with an organic dryer-a clothes line. He has a line of what appear to be washing machines, actually, 2 lines. Maybe some are dryers, who knows. They are all covered up with plastic of various kinds, wood, other metal washers, and rugs. All 8-12 of them. I guess that the salt air would eat the metal or they would all get dirty and having a dirty washing machine is unacceptable to him. The raccoon that I spotted next to the water didn't appear to care. I am back at my site, sitting in the sun, actually shielding myself from it. It's sorta warm on the body at 9:37 am. The green trees surround me with numerous unknown birds slowly waking to the day. The gossipy ones chatting about their evening apparently. Yesterday there was a wood stork? in front of my trailer all day. 'Nice legs, shame about your face' are words to a song from long ago. They came to mind as its head looked like it were draped with a gray cloth. Like a villain from an old movie. Well, laundry should be ready. After breakfast I am going canoeing on the Indian River, right off the property. Ah, so so sweet.

sunset over Indian River

Off the grid

2011-01-24T22:14:00.001-05:00

I am 100% off the grid. I have always wanted to try this lifestyle. I have read articles, blogs, books and now that the day is here, I am unprepared. Not totally unprepared mind you, I have taken steps that I thought were appropriate but apparently they aren't. The lights are dimming. Oh well, that's the great thing about knowing. I'll figure it out and The Universe will provide.

I use to plan and research everything ahead. Caring for a parent and running a business, I utilized that skill to the utmost. I would visualize my workday the evening previous. I learned that my day went much better when I had already done everything once before. Also, I love to research. I can tell you laws and give you advice BETTER than some lawyers that I went to for information. At one point, after mom was diagnosed terminal, I went to the nursing home to find out what I would have to do if she had to be admitted. These things aren't always a choice. In Pennsylvania, they send you to the state assistance office to fill out paperwork. I went with all my information in hand and then a caring, sweet lady that was assisting me noted a law that very few people if any knew about. The rural town that I lived in had mostly nice people who wanted to help you, nothing like the city life I was accustom to. As she was telling me the required paperwork that I would need, I was digging in my file and pulled it out. She stated that I was the only person that had ever had the information. Like I said, I love to research. So, whats going on here? Me, unprepared for this experience? The Universe provides.

I have gotten back into my groove. The Universe knows what I need before I do and, it usually gives me something better than I could ever imagine. So why continue to screw up a good thing? I rented a tiny apartment on the beach in Florida years ago sight unseen. I showed up with a beach chair and a small table and lamp. No furniture, just my necessities. My friends came over to see the tiny beach front apartment that I had rented and weren't understanding. I told them that I had told God that I wanted an apartment on the beach. I prayed, talked, and sometimes meditated. That is what I wanted. Not an unreasonable request I though. So, when it showed up, I was in Pennsylvania visiting my sister who was having major health issues. I always dropped everything to be with her when she was ill. Anyway, no need to see the apartment I figure as it had been provided to me by The Universe. When it came time to furnish it, my thoughts were that The Universe gave me the apartment that was within my budget, so the furniture must be soon to follow. I didn't think God wanted me to sit in a beach chair too long. My friends were aghast. But the furniture showed up at my door, delivered. Now, as the saying goes, beggar's cant' be choosers, so I was extremely grateful for all the furniture given me. Ironically, it all fit and was the perfect size for my mini micro tiny beachfront apartment.
The lights went out as I write this, the battery is dead. I'll go start the generator and then lay here for a while talking to God, praying and maybe meditating, telling him that I need direction to figure out how to resolve this problem, the money to accomplish the task, and is the case with age, as him to throw in some good laughs or at least a good story to tell. The Universe knows what I need before I need it. Maybe he'll even throw in a date for me too!

tonight's sunset on Merritt Island

Allow

2011-01-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

Patricia and I went to church this morning. It didn't call itself a church. She enjoyed it. I am more of a traditionalist than I thought. I want the sermon. I love hearing people speak in public, sharing their views and opinions. That's what church is right, someones opinion. As I always do though, I find the good. The 'talk' was about allowing the good to come into our lives. I pray, I meditate, but am not confident that I allow the good to come into my life. Obviously, I have these past few days. The allowing has opened up numerous new doors, positive experiences that I am eager to give a try. Trusting seems to be the key to allowing. Trusting people, who deliver The Universes messages and gifts. A good focus for the next few days will be simply to allow. A post it note will aid in this project. The results will be fun to see.

Your friends reflect you

2011-01-22T23:47:00.000-05:00

I moved physically from one environment to another and everything changed. My thoughts are reflected in the people that I attract into my life. People who are concerned not only about themselves, but enhancing the lives of others in a capacity of love, support, and understanding. People who I now call friends. Friends who share. They share their private space, food, thoughts, love, understanding, and encouragement. Friends who, without knowing, assist me in being the person that I want to be. A better person. Friends who share their passions without judgment. Strangers until nomadic serendipity stepped in. Chance? Fate. Coincidence? I know better. The Universe gave me exactly what I needed, when I needed it.

Gratitude.

Merritt Island, Florida

2011-01-21T00:12:00.000-05:00

Leaving behind friends in this lifestyle is still difficult. I have had the opportunity to live in campgrounds for the summer when I was younger, and had to learn to say 'until we meet again.' That's all we really ever have. I will miss them.

I arrived at Merritt Island at 11p after leaving Trilby a little after 8p. I was waiting for the traffic to subside around Orlando before departing and it made the journey much easier and less stressful. Actually, driving this time was more like-driving. I had purchased some extension mirrors that were highly recommended online. They have suction cups that attach to your existing mirrors. They worked great, aiding in my ability to see further into both lanes and down the side of the Fun Finder. I never met the speed limit, unless it was 55, so passing another vehicle isn't necessary. My arrival was picture perfect. The moon being full, lit the ponds and grounds as if to welcome me. Jim, the owner, stumbled over to great me and then Patricia with her dog Crumbface. A completely different world on many levels and I am anxious to see what this type of life experience is all about. I am expecting loads of positive learning, laughs and fun, spiritual enlightenment, and a peaceful soul. Good night.

Not the direction that I want to go

2011-01-20T16:10:00.001-05:00

The past few weeks have been a huge eye opener for me on many, many levels. A friend of mine said that this experience of vagabonding would be a type of soul searching. I have learned that is an understatement. First and foremost, I realize that this is MY life. I am no longer responsible for another person and all their needs. I am no longer responsible for a home and all its needs. I am done settling estates, always fulfilling what has to be accomplished. It is my time, for myself, about myself. (Funny, that wasn't my intent when I started this journey. I just wanted to travel.) Sounds like a simple concept to grasp right? To a degree it is. Here's where the twist comes into play. Now I only have myself to be responsible for, to make happy, fulfilled. Should be easy right? It has been, or should I say was, a difficult transition for me. I have put myself 2nd or 3rd for years and the habit is difficult to change. This is where The Universe (ie. God) jumps in. The past 3 weeks have shown me everything that I don't want in my life, and a few things that I do. I guess The Universe decided to throw me off a cliff, as it were, into the traditional 'learn quick or sink'.

So, I learned quick. I have witness behavior, belief systems, and addictions that would stop someone cold. It forced me to question my own behavior, my current belief systems, and addictions. It was just my birthday and a new year rang in. Isn't that what we're suppose to do at this time? I decided that I must surround myself with people that I want to emulate. People who have similar behaviors, belief systems, and addictions. (There are also good addictions. I want to focus on those.) This is where The Universe jumps in again. Damn if it doesn't know just what I need when I need it. First, meeting Patricia by what every person knows- there is no coincidence-coincidence. Meeting her in a rest area then becoming fast and furious friends, with our own unique belief systems that match! What are the odds? A gazillion to one. The Universe. We share where we came from, spiritual beliefs, eating belief/habits, love of dance, open communication and so many other life essentials that make this life worth living. We help each other with intentions and without. I feel so blessed to have met her.

I want to make clear that the experience that I've had for these past few weeks I wouldn't trade for anything. The Universe allowed me to view life in a manner that will keep me focused on my wants, needs, and goals. Yes Virginia, vagabonds have goals. Now, I did have some fun in there too. Spending time on my friends farm was really great. I loved the farm fresh eggs, feeding the cows and horses while the dogs danced in circles around us. It makes me consider farming as a hobby, maybe someday. I got to see friends I hadn't seen in years and possibly make new ones. I got to dance, and I do love to dance. All in all I consider it a positive experience, albeit one I don't care to repeat. I think The Universe knows exactly what it is doing. Guiding me ever so not gently in a direction more conducive for me, as I believe that The Universe knows me and my needs better than I do myself. And this part- making life about what I want-is really fun! I really enjoy it!

3 weeks

2011-01-17T21:42:00.000-05:00

Hello Blog. 3 weeks. It's been that long? I have experienced so much in such a short time. I'll start this blog by going back to the holidays, where I left off. It feels like such a very long time ago.
I spent time with sis and her gf on the29th. It was great to see them and enjoy some time together. They gave me a GPS for my truck which will greatly assist my wandering skills. I've reached that joyous age where driving, reading directions, looking for signs and traffic is becoming difficult. Also, they bestowed me with a T shirt which reads 'Not all who wander are lost.' Appropriate. Their friends came over later that day and we enjoyed what we all agreed to be the best Bloody Mary's ever.
The next day was my 44th birthday. I was lucky to have a couple friends to share it with. We drank wine and had some great laughs. Looking back on my life that day proved to be difficult with the passing of mom the 31st and my brother Bill the 26th one year previous. I focused on myself and the fact that the rest of my life is mine, totally mine. Something I haven't had for a very, very long time. New Years was also difficult for a few minutes. I took pause to remember and honor the past. Then I made it a New Years to have fun, which I did.
New Years day was a day to remember. A couple months previous to my dear sister Ellen's death, she came to visit me when I lived on the beach in Pass a Grille, Florida. I hadn't seen her in a while and when I did, I didn't recognize her. I was unprepared for the shock of seeing her in such a state. At that time I had a job working for a gentleman by the name of Rich. I was so distraught seeing my sister in such a state and having her visit that I quit my job with no notice, a decision that I have always regretted. That is not the man I want to be. However today, the Universe gave me a chance to correct a wrong from 7 years ago. In a crowd I spotted Rich. My first thought was that I had to apologize for my behavior. When I approached him, it took a few moments for him to remember me. He graciously accepted my apology and set the tone for a new year.

In Memory and Love

I still find it difficult to look at pictures of mom. I just can't look at her face. I'm not ready.

By the age of 42 I have lost both parents, a brother and a sister. Lori and I remain. What a life, what a family.

Anxious to crawl into bed

2010-12-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Ok. So, I am going off the cool factor here, like I have ever been close to being cool but I am just giddy with excitement. The bed situation in the Fun Finder isn't exactly fun. To be honest, it wasn't the least bit comfortable and my back has let me know it everyday. Well, today my friends, that has all changed. I am the proud owner of a pillow top mattress. Possibly trivial to you younger people but mark my words, someday the comfort of your bed will be everything. Without a cozy, comfy bed, you will wake up sore,
spend your entire day in pain, and get *real cranky.* That all ends tonight.

Being a pillow top, the thickness of the mattress is what an average box spring and mattress together would be. I'll see over time how that effects trivial matters like hitting my head on the upper bed and sleeping even with the windows. Also, the depth of the bed is deeper so it cuts into my dining area, but adds to the storage area underneath. Bonus. I took the table out a few days ago as it was something to maneuver around so I am use to it not being here. And don't miss it. Of coarse, adding a bed completely changes everything about the Fun Finder. The cushions that came with it are now in the back of the truck until I decide where to store them. I really dont want to get rid of them just yet as none of them fit now. Luckily, I have several extra pillows that neatly fit next to the head of the bed where I am typing this from. Yes, it is very comfortable to sit here now. Opposite me I am considering building a shelving/storage unit that can be easily moved to access the water heater, etc. underneath yet stay put while driving down the road. Believe it or not, a little extra storage in 15 foot would be nice too.

This simple change has made me anxious to manifest more in my life. The bed is new and was given to me by my hosts Kevin and Paul. Christmas day their wireless router stopped working and I just happen to have an extra one that I freely and joyfully gave them. Thought creates.

Keeping the Spirit

2010-12-26T23:57:00.003-05:00

The holidays have proven to be a busy time. Lounging in the Fun Finder for an entire 'day after' has been sweet. Gearing up for more visits to numerous friends in various parts of the state; Neil in St. Pete, Regg in Tampa, Andy in Ft. Myers, and Patricia who I met at a rest stop on my way here. Looking forward to seeing faces that I haven't seen in years. And the Florida weather is a great backdrop to this time of year: palm trees with Christmas lights. Gotta love it.

New Attitude

2010-12-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

Well, after giving my blog comments much thought, I have changed my attitude. Although, there is nothing that I can do about the weather. Driving the Fun Finder today was completely different. Not that we didn't sway from side to side when the wind blew or feel like we were being pushed off the road every time a semi passed us. And I mean every time. I focused on what I accomplished. I drove a total of 1100 miles with little incident. I managed to successfully drive through 3 metropolitan areas in one day with no trouble. Focusing on the positive accomplishments has given me attitude. And we all need a good one. Today the unknown is my friend, my co-pilot.At a rest stop, I talked to Patricia who lives in her 36 foot A class. We talked for 2 hours without pause for my travel plans. That IS what this is about. Being open to whatever comes my way. We shared the same attitudes about food, people, this lifestyle, and many other things. Funny how striking up a conversation with a complete stranger in a highway rest stop can lead to really cool conversations. The weather is still dogging me. I am now in Brunswick, GA and it is to get down to the teens tonight. My heater doesn't run without electric so I am using the stove as heat. I have yet to sleep in the upper bed but with all the heat staying close to the ceiling, I am writing this from my oh so cozy perch. Dang I'm loving this lifestyle. There are several of us parked here. I talked to an old timer who is living in a step van. He told me apparently someone left a note on my truck. Funny as I know no one here. Finally, feeling blue about my family is something that is going to be expected on the anniversary of their deaths. I deem it ok to be melancholy- as long as I don't bring someone else down.

Settled in

2010-12-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I have written. I had a great week with Greg and Mary in King, NC. It was a place of feeling safe to begin this journey. I spent the time getting familiar with the Fun Finder, selling the final items on ebay, and just breathing. I went from one type of life to another in a matter of a day, not realizing the strain of the adjustment. Driving the Fun Finder turns out to be the most stressful. A few hours of driving feels like a full days worth. The cold from the north has dogged my entire travels, actually snowing 2 inches in King. I hate being cold. And finally, being faced with the anniversary of loosing Mom and brother Bill around the holidays is hitting me much harder than I thought. I cry at songs that we listened to as a kid, and thoughts of Christmas past. The beginning of this adventure is turning out to be off track from the vision. It seems to be turning into learning quite a bit about myself. A vision quest unintended. I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

2010-12-01T18:59:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this with a bit of delirium about myself. I shortly arrived at my couchsurfing destination in Harrisonburg, VA. Mapquest stated that it would be a 5 hour 40 minute journey while it took the Fun Finder and me just over 8 hours. The weather this morning was just short of a typhoon with incessant rain and wind the 3 Little Pigs would be envious of. Several gusts caught us yet we weren't deterred. Although I believe there to be a permanent hand imprint on the steering wheel. I was neglectful of removing my eyes from the road as when I did, we consistently wandered where we weren't welcome, or at least where I didn't want to be. In the same lane as another moving V-hickle as Sherman Potter would say. Ann helped me pack this morning while the typhoon was under way but not in full force. Last evening we attempted to back the Fun Finder into her driveway. Picture her standing on the sidewalk in the rain with an umbrella in her hand, all closed, not open, shaking it every so often as if ringing a chickens neck while shouting out directions to me sitting in the truck. Did i mention it was dark out and that every car in Wellsboro decided right then to drive down Nichols street. Really. I did manage to add another scar to the Fun Finder but no success backing into her driveway. The mastering of that minor necessity will have to wait, along with all too numerous other trivial necessities such as leveling the trailer, maneuvering gas station pumps, and when not to use overdrive.

Yesterday was the sale of moms house. I flip back and forth about what I call it. It really wasn't mine. I simply inherited it. Mom, Dad, Grandpa Stager and numerous other family members assisted in the construction on land that was from my paternal grandparents. Family members that have commented state that it is sad that it is gone, and I guess that it is for them. I am not sad. Maybe someday, but life's too short and things are just things. Until we attach a memory or emotional value to them. Wherever I go, the past and all the people who shared it will always be with me

I am ready for this adventure of life to begin.

2010-11-28T22:30:00.000-05:00

The house is empty except for items that go into the trailer. I would have put them in today but it is going down to be down in the low 20's tonight. Oh the longing for sun and warmth. I visited, for the last time, my uncle who noted for at least the 3rd time that I can bring my little home on wheels back to his place anytime to visit. He was visibly emotional by my leaving. He shook my hand and then gave me a hug. The first one I remember. The ending of a lifetime of memories for him, the first glimpse of caring for me.

2010-11-26T18:14:00.000-05:00

I spent Thanksgiving with a new friend and her family. It was truly great. I figured that I would constantly be in situations where I was the new person so I will count this as the beginning of the Spiritual Nomad lifestyle. My host, Kate, and I have a spiritual bond that is best described as a cozy warm blanket wrapped around me while gazing out of the window onto natures painting. Meeting my friends family, with their different lifestyle and traditions, is always an interest to me. I am fascinate by how other people make this life a life. And they do a great job of it.
Then I went to see the remaining family that resides here. At one time, my father and his 2 brothers lived in on the same street with their families and my grandparents on my paternal side. Everyone has passed except my fathers youngest brother and his wife who still have the original farm. At the turn of the last century my family owned most of this valley. All that is left is about 80 acres as time truly changes everything. Selling my family homestead has become less emotional for me as it is now time for my dreams to come true. I am so thankful for the friends, family, and the simple opportunity to experience life on my terms, finally.

Today I spent moving into the Fun Finder. So far everything is fitting. 2 more rooms in the house are also empty. Today was peaceful and easy emotionally. It is great to be moving forward with life.

2010-11-24T21:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday and today have been extremely productive. Last minute runs to Goodwill and the 2 storage locations that I have are requiring less possessions being moved about. My one location is at a friends barn where the goal was to keep what I deemed necessities. And things that I just didn't have time to sell. Funny what a person deems necessary. I kept, in no particular order of importance, gardening paraphernalia including my 2 beloved swings. There's just something about a swing that signifies a great view with time to enjoy it. The one is so beautifully crafted that I doubt I could ever find another. Childhood toys that are mostly my brothers. His are from the the late 50's and early 60's. They are just too cool to part with. Carpentry tools are always good to have. Books. What can I say. I love them. And a few miscellaneous items of kitschy home decor. I intend to return in the spring to have yet another yard sale and purging. The other storage location is at antoher friends. Here I kept Christmas items that I just can't part with. I use to be Mr. Christmas, spending thousands of dollars on decorations that were hand blown glass. Other items kept there are items that I didn't want to keep in a barn. This location isn't heated but it is an insulated room. Again, in the spring will be another purging, depending upon the lifestyle at the time. Great thing about life is that one never knows what the future holds. On my way home, I spotted a double rainbow. The 2nd one in my lifetime. I pulled over and just stared while the rest of the world seemed completely oblivious. And I didn't have my camera phone....

2010-11-21T23:00:00.000-05:00

More items have been leaving the house, either through giving them away, selling them, or storing them. I think it's funny how I have 9 days left and I am still listing things on craigslist and this evening ended yet another windfall on ebay. I am truly blessed. The added finances will be of benefit not only to myself but others, allowing me to volunteer my services to anyone who needs them.
My buddy Matt came up Saturday to assist with moving items. It was a great way for us to spend time together and to share spiritual thoughts and ideas. And I am grateful that he was here as the new owners are trying at times. Instead of asking me something, they called their Realtor to call mine to call me to ask me something when I was talking and standing right next to them 20 minutes previous. Accepting people as they are is much easier said than done when they are more on your thought and behavior level. Dealing with people older than myself who's behavior is more like a 7 year old challenges me to walk the talk. It took me a few minutes to come around spiritually and think that I would have to hold their hands through this process and show them love, maturity, sacrifice, and open communication without anger, having to be pushy or obnoxious to have needs met. Which seems to be how many people attain their needs. Force. To be fair, it takes a strong person to be spiritual. Instead of looking externally to find the answers, we look internally. External is easy. Do this, think that, this will be the result. Follow the leader and all will be well. To look internal requires so much more. The unknown of self and the possibility to recognize and identify traits we may want to change is difficult. We only have ourselves to interpret ourselves. In my opinion, the most difficult task on earth. To know thyself. It is a lifelong process and one that some of us have no control over. We must constantly monitor ourselves and improve our
spiritualism, to be a better person.

One step closer

2010-11-18T22:31:00.000-05:00

Finding my time today not engulfed with packing, sorting, and selling, I am actually beginning to enjoy this process more. I know that I should have been all along. I know. How did i get off that balance where all was good. Will I ever find balance again? I hope so. I keep saying to myself 'when'. When mom passes, I can start my life. When settling the estates are done, I can start my life. When the house closes, I can start my life. I am so fucking sick of when. I think it's just an excuse. For some reason. I had a situation today where I wasn't the man/person that I want to be. I took the ego approach. I am so sick of dreaming of the man that I want to be instead of just being him. I am so tired of reacting with ego or fear.When the hell am I ever going to slow down and get it right.

All a dream

2010-11-16T23:16:00.001-05:00

Today is the first time that I actually feel that I can see the end in sight. The majority of the packing, sorting, storing is complete, leaving entire rooms empty. 2 weeks from today I will be sitting at closing, probably thinking this is all a dream. 6 years caring for a parent. 6 years. I put my life on hold, not all by choice. Daily watching the color of my life fade away while reminders of lost dreams play like a soft tune in the background. But then, without this experience, would I be living in a travel trailer traveling the country. My lifelong dream.

Windfall

2010-11-15T21:42:00.000-05:00

The past couple days are unusual in the fact that I have earned, oh, about $2300. Half of what I earned all of last year. Between ebay, craigslist, and scrap metal, who knew my possessions would bring this kind of green within such a short time of leaving on this vagabond dreams journey. A very welcome gesture from the Universe as a sending off. Thank you Universe. The Fun Finder travel trailer will be the recipient of the windfall. A tidy little 2000 watt generator, and 2 6 volt Trojan batteries will sparkle like a crown on his brow. For myself, a used camcorder. Part of the dream of the experience is to make video travel blogs, regional cooking blogs, and eventually a documentary. I never did enjoy regular television too much but I could watch The National Parks "America's Best Idea" over and over. There's something about a connection, education, or simply exposure to a person, place or thing that beats a sitcom hands down.

2010-11-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

It's been rewarding to document the ups and downs of this experience. I can happily report that I have regained balance.Consistently. Even when the guy who purchased the desk set tried to carry part of it through a doorway not as wide as the desk, marring the trim that, for a lifetime, was meticulously cared for. Not to mention the fact that after he bounced off the trim the first time, he tried again. I kept my cool. The damage was done but I wasn't going to allow it to manipulate me.

It's amazing how much time it takes to dissolve an estate. Well, actually 2 estates. My mother lived in this house for 60 years where she raised 4 children. Since I lived here also, all my possessions were here. A few of my older siblings items were here also. Mostly my brothers. I have the belief that dissolving an estate does not include having a dumpster dropped off in the driveway and all items disposed of in that manner. No, I have to go through every item, every box, virtually every paper to honor my heritage. Now, don't get me wrong, things did get thrown away, but only after they had been acknowledged. Things also got sold. I spent more time on ebay and craigslist than anyone can imagine. And just today I made more money in one day that I have ever made in my lifetime. I sold 3 Old World Christmas lights that I had purchased as gifts for mom, Ellen, Lori, and myself in the late 80's and early 90's. $1700 in sales in one day. Also, I have had 4 yard sales in the past 2 years and can honestly state that i have given away enough items to completely furnish a home. I don't believe in filling landfills with things that someone else can use. Thank God for freecycle. And it will be very interesting to utilize these marketplaces in other parts of the country to experience peoples behaviors there.

2010-11-11T22:34:00.002-05:00

The past couple weeks I have tried to be optimistic about this adventure that I am undertaking. Somehow, I have gotten bogged down in the process of ridding myself of virtually all material possessions, even letting little old lady's piss me off. I should be happy for cripes sake. I shouldn't have to try to be optimistic. My soul has told me for a long time that this is my destiny. This is why I am on this earth.
I was with a new friend at lunch today. She called my vagabond journey a vision quest. The second she
stated it, I knew that was what I was doing. I lived under the rule of a parent that made sure there was absolutely no joy in my life, and that reiterated daily my lack of worth. It only makes sense that I would be looking for myself. We also talked about not being optimistic and that there is only Love and fear. I was obviously coming from fear. Damn! and I know better. It upsets me so to be on this spiritual journey and forget the basics. I guess I have neglected that side of myself.

2010-11-03T22:27:00.001-04:00

The dining room table and chairs left this evening for their new home, new memories. They were purchased by my parents as their first set in the home that they built, along with my maternal grandfather.
Lifetimes were born and died around the simple elegance of it's mannered frame. It holds the energy of many many souls, who's whereabouts are long ago forgotten. Childhood memories of stilted love. Adolescent boredom, nervous tension and countless burnt meals, yet the significance of it being carried out, piece by piece in the dark of night feels heavy.

2010-11-01T22:57:00.005-04:00

I love laying in bed before completely waking up.
That period of cozy, warmth. The mind with it's thoughts.
It is as close to meditating that I have gotten lately.
I find that my thinking, or whatever my mind is doing, is clear, insightful.
Maybe a better way to state that is that my thoughts seem precise
and without fear. I believe that I can see things clearly. Problems or issues
are figured out in a place of peace and safety. I love that time of day
and the clarity that comes with it.

I had a realization that I have been allowing the events of my life control me. I KNOW better than this, but somehow I got caught up in it. There is so much to do with moving out of the homestead and preparing for a life on wheels, which I know virtually nothing about. I am a type of person who doesn't enjoy being unprepared, yet have hungered over a lifestyle that is completely unplanned, traveling with the wind of fate to fulfill adventure where it blooms. Which one am I? Controlling, precise, planned or carefree, faithful in the knowledge that who and what I am to experience will expose themselves to me.
I know and believe that I am a co-creator in this life experience. That the Universe and I are a team. We work together creating by my thoughts and that I also must experience events that are preplanned for me.
Somehow I lost sight of reality, what is important. So I slowed down today. I stopped and chatted with Kate who had taken care of mom while she was in Hospice. I returned some tools that I borrowed to remove the hot water drain and hoped for a visit with Timothy but he wasn't home. While driving to have some
work done on the red truck, I noticed 2 hawks together high up in a tree. A mile or so down the road I spotted another one.
Hawks seem to be a totem animal for me. I see them often, but not lately.
The point is to control how I deal with life events and situations and not let them control me. To remember that if I am so busy doing, that I won't see the miracles around me nor the communication with Spirit.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

2010-11-01T22:26:00.002-04:00

Spiritual Nomad is a non-fictional story of my life's experiences. The story will weave my current spiritual vagabond adventure and past life events into the exploration of self, Spiritualism, living on the road, and the people that I encounter along the way.

My goal is to live a Spiritual Nomadic life that is full of adventure. I have no direction, rather I trust that I will be guided by Spirit where I am needed and that the events and people that I meet will allow me in some way to make a difference.

I believe that I am meant to wander this earth, drifting in and out of people's lives reflecting joy and peace. I have innate talents knowing who a person is just by looking at them. To me, people wear who they are for me to read, like the words on a page. I can clearly see what type and kind of person they are. I can see their hopes and joys, and I can see their pain.